This is what Kobe Bryant had to say about the LINSANITY…before Jeremy Lin and the Knicks beat the Lakers tonight.

It is surreal to still hear his voice in my head from when he called me Monday afternoon.  He said over the weekend that his pacemaker had problems, his blood pressure had fell too much, and he was rushed to the E.R. to restart the pacemaker.  But otherwise, he sounded normal.  He always talked slow like that and I couldn’t tell anything was wrong with him if he hasn’t said anything.  He didn’t seem to be in any big danger or else the doctors would’ve kept him at the hospital.

As I usually have my light treatments on Tuesdays and Thursdays in Mission Viejo just down the street from their retirement complex, I was going to go visit him and his wife.  Instead, today I’ll be going there to comfort his wife Teresa, his son my Uncle Ray, and my grade school cousins.

There may be lots of “names” of people who have passed away, but I think for those who knew them they’re never really gone.  I’ve been reading the book “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experiences” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, with the foundation concept that reality is what we experience within our minds. If something happens outside but we never see or hear it, it never “becomes” a part of our experience, memory, and reality.  I guess it’s the same here.  Thanks to the time I’ve got to spend with Great Uncle Robert the last few years, he’ll forever be alive in my memories.  His posture, sarcasm, intelligence, and how he spoke.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Docs said she was braindead & only sustainable on life support for a few days. We went to the hospital 2x/day to see her lying there. She didn’t know we were there, and to see the pain and dispair on my aunts’ faces was terrible. But it was also good to see all our family together in one place. All our cousins, aunts, uncle, and my grandma’s sister and friends- family I haven’t seen together since those carefree childhood times.

I was still very sick @ the time, everyone said i shouldn’t have gone & the pollution in Taiwan was so bad my health got worse the next 6mo. But still I hobbled 2x a day w/gas mask to hospital to see Grandma. I’m glad I went-no regrets. There are only few important days in life, the rest is just daily routines (the rubbish of life) . Make the important days count- that’s all you really remember in the end.

This year, I’m thankful for being the healthiest I’ve been & suffering less…best gift ever. So many blessings came my way to make it so. People who I consider angels have come into my life and turned things around for the first time in my life. If you haven’t read my story, here you go: http://flyboysfund.jeffreylin.net/2008/10/22/trading-a-life-my-story-part-1/

Maybe Grandma is watching over me in heaven I’d like to think so. No one loves me more.

2007 was a much better year. My health was still a roller coaster and there were countless days I held on for dear life. However, things started to happen that made me feel more alive and mentally stronger. Mental health is more important than anything. A person in the worst circumstances can be happy, while someone with everything can be depressed.

I needed human interaction, even if only online. So, overestimating my improvements, I started the Systems Architecting and Engineering M.S. program at USC with just one online course. I still hoped to do engineering someday. If I could do night trading, I could surely handle one course right? I quickly gave up on this nonsense. I didn’t have the energy to keep up with the class schedule. Besides, the class was for managers much older than me. The markets were much friendlier to my chaotic lifestyle. I worked when I could, as much as I could, and simply rested when I felt terrible.

Luckily, even without middle-aged USC classmates, I didn’t go back to solitary confinement. An acquaintance in Utah, with whom I’d traded a few emails, kept me company. Other than my parents and occasional IMs with two buddies from college, this was the first person I’d talk to in over a year. Unlike my “friends” on TV, here was someone who responded and cared I existed. Day by day, the online chats and phone calls nursed away some depression. She didn’t mind I that couldn’t talk much at first. I slowly learned to control my mouth and form coherent phrases again. Through her stories, I felt more connected with the world. Our conversations helped me remember myself. My interests, ideals, humor, and creativity: parts of me that used to light up my life even when I was sick. I’m forever grateful she stayed with me on the phone everyday, and became my closest friend through it all.

Neither my mental or physical health turned around on a dime. Stories always jump to turning points, making things seem easy. If thing’s don’t come easily for people, one after another, they think something’s wrong. It’s not. Everything’s a process that takes shape over time.

Slowly, I became more proactive in my life as best I could. I turned my unfinished USC research paper on Akamai Technologies into my first stock analysis article, explaining complex technologies in layman terms. A lot of work went into the research paper. Why not make it useful? I submitted it to SeekingAlpha.com. The editors liked it enough to ask me to be a contributing author. What a fantastic confidence boost, especially for my first submission! This motivated me to write more. I felt my technical background gave me a firmer grasp of a company’s technology and opportunities than many analysts.

Did I find my niche? To explain to people a company’s technology and the company’s potential because of it? What a useful place my engineering degree proved to be in this new, unexpected “job”! It seemed like the best of both worlds. I launched a stock blog, Flyboys Fund, and wrote about technical topics such as technology and aerospace & defense. I found myself drawn more to global growth topics like construction, oil drilling, and the power grid. I actually enjoyed these companies’ conference calls because this was my comfort zone.

I was always uncomfortable owning stocks, like biotech, whose business confused me. These stocks were in my portfolio because they say you should have a little of everything to be “diversified.” No more. My portfolio had a facelift. I punted these stocks and replaced them with stocks I wrote about on my blog, the stocks I’ve knew. I didn’t have to spread my attention across tons of industries anymore. I concentrated on a few stocks, knowing them inside and out, selling when my analysis said the price was too high or buying when I felt the price was too low. I always kept extra cash for safety.

This is the general plan I’ve stuck with since then, though I’m constantly experimenting with new strategies such as options and technical trading. I figured, since the markets keep changing, I should be like a ninja: the more skills and tools I master, the better I can adapt. The airing of Fast Money in 2007 proved to be a godsend, teaching me to process news faster and take more decisive action. Thanks to Jeff Macke, I even went on the show via webcam.

My portfolio ended 2007 up nicely. Sure, global growth stocks like the ones I owned were stellar in 2007. How could I not make money? Why didn’t I make more? It doesn’t matter. What mattered was the markets started making sense to me, I felt I could succeed in the markets, and above all, I was a little healthier than I was in 2006.

Being tested by this death of a market in 2008, apparently I did learn a lot, or enough to not lose my pants. While the markets kept getting worse all year, my life has gotten better. Blogging helped me reach out to the world through the Internet. Many people have contacted me through my blog, including traders whom I’ve become great friends with.

In June, thanks to my friend’s dad, I visited the University of Utah Medical Center. For the first time in my 25 years, I found doctors who had dealt with conditions as severe as mine. Finally! The confidence in the doctors was well placed. Within a few weeks my skin cleared considerably. After 10 years, I can touch water again and even bathe now as part of the treatment.

Is everything peachy now? No. I have a long road ahead. The doctors are just getting their arms around the situation. Tests show my IgE allergy protein level at 18,000 (75-200 is normal), meaning I react hundreds of times more intensely to everything. We haven’t found a food I’m not allergic to, so I’m surviving on a prescription liquid diet. But I’m no longer in pain. I can go out, even went to New York for the Merrill Lynch Power & Gas Leaders Conference in September. I can look forward to tomorrow. It’s not dark anymore.

** Dedicated to my grandma, who passed away last November and couldn’t see me get well. She loved me as much as she could, maybe more. I miss her very much. **

** Thanks to all my angels: my parents, sister, family, friends, and doctors. I’m forever in your debt. **

PART 1
Videos Tracking My Health Developments

Why do we trade? There are as many reasons as there are traders, but the reasons are probably similar. Intrigue, gambling, occupation, and, for a few, because you’re actually great at it. In early 2006, a few months after college, I dipped my toe in the markets for sanity. I traded to escape reality. I traded to have a purpose. I traded so the people on CNBC could keep me company.

I was a complete market retard at first. Didn’t even know how to use Yahoo! Finance. True, in addition to engineering, I majored in mathematical economics, but I never cared much for finance. Only spent an hour per week on finance versus seventy or eighty on engineering. Being an engineer was my dream. Always loved figuring stuff out, having some vision in my mind, then seeing it come to life. Same reason graphic/web design was a hobby- I got to share my visions with others. But finance? Did it because I promised my dad I would.

So you ask, Jeff, why do you trade now? In short, life happened. I was born with asthma as well as severe skin and food allergies. I took a gamble on an immunosuppressant shot to deal with my allergies, hoping for a chance at a normal life. I wanted do what my friends were doing. Brand spanking new careers. Grad schools. Or just going out. But this shot nuked my life. My health, which had been sliding downhill since birth, simply fell off a cliff. My life and dreams went with it.

I looked like I had third degree burns or worse. Not a single clear patch of skin anywhere, only infections and leaking wounds that wouldn’t heal. My system was in chaos. Everything doctors tried made it worse, including the steroids I’d fall back on during emergencies such as this. Painkillers were off limits too. I was constantly itching and in pain. My mind also started to go. I didn’t know who I was, couldn’t comprehend much at times, and had trouble forming coherent speech. It might’ve been side effects from the shot, or simply a hysterical panic attack. I couldn’t cope with my new reality. I couldn’t see tomorrow. Little Orphan Annie stopped singing. Like P.O.W.’s, I felt “broken.” For two years, until a few months ago, I barely left my house, my room, and often had trouble just getting out of my chair.

One afternoon during these “early days” after “the shot,” I halted my channel surfing on CNBC to the screaming of Mad Money’s Jim Cramer. The show was packed with information and, for the first time in months, I didn’t feel brain-dead. At that moment, I became involved with the market. Doesn’t matter what people say about Cramer, even if every call he makes from now on is wrong, Cramer has my deepest gratitude for doing Mad Money that day.

I couldn’t have discovered the markets at a better time. Days get pretty long for someone without a job and can’t run the errands that fill up people’s days. Friends I’d chat with online had moved on with new lives. I woke up at odd hours while my parents were asleep, losing a bit more of my mind everyday as the loneliness set in. The markets gave me something to focus on, and it was accessible online. Like most beginners, I started on Yahoo! Finance. I signed up for way too many newsletters, forums, and even the Wall Street Journal. My dad had bits and pieces left from a portfolio he owned during the tech bubble. This was my starting capital.

I dove into it like every other naïve, innocent novice out there. Just because analysts and newsletters said Caterpillar’s stock was a buy, I believed them. I love the big yellow “CAT” dumptrucks. They were everywhere on National Geographic and Discovery shows! I sold the shattered pieces of MRV Communications my dad still had, and bought Caterpillar, all at once. Yes, everyone knows that’s a very bad idea, but I didn’t. I really didn’t know anything. Seemed ok at the time. The markets kept going up in spring of ’06. Easy! Sure helped my self-confidence and emotions. I thought, maybe I could make a living from my room! I saw other stocks, like Peru’s Southern Copper, go up everyday, much faster than my Caterpillar. China needed a lot of copper to build a city a day? It made sense. I bought the story and the stock. Again, bad idea. I know.

Focusing on the markets helped me get through the day. Any little thing that went my way was a big boost because everyday my health got worse. My body was simply overwhelmed by infections and allergies. I wasn’t handicapped, but my parents had to do everything for me, especially since I couldn’t touch water (hadn’t been able to for years). I was so weak my kneecaps would pop if I forgot to clench my muscles for even a moment. I hobbled to the bathroom or crawled there on my elbows. My skin was rotting, especially on the legs where I had the shots, and considered amputation. I was constantly on edge, uncertain of what I had to face tomorrow. Sometimes I wished I had cancer. At least I’d know what I had.

My sleep schedule was random. When I wake up or pass out was up to my body, not me. I was always exhausted, staying awake for only a few hours. I was mostly nocturnal. Daylight gave me migraines. The daytime heat irritated my rashes and often caused hot flashes.

Everyday I was woken up by pain, then cried out in pain while bandaging myself for the next hour. By the time I was done, my heart felt like it’d go into shock, and I’d collapse in front of the TV. I’d turn on CNBC, watching Squawk Box (3am here on the west coast) or a late replay of Mad Money. The anchors at CNBC were the only people I saw everyday and the only familiar voices I’d hear. They became my “friends”: Joe’s unique sense of humor; Mark’s quirky attitude; Erin’s engaging interviews; Dylan’s intuitive explanations. I even watched WorldWide Exchange from 1-3am. Yes, Ross Westgate in London, someone in California knows who you are!

These wonderful people kept me sane, and I dreaded the weekends when they were off air. When they were, I’d do research mostly by listening than web browsing. My eyelids hurt, and so did my bandaged fingers. I played Jim Cramer’s “Real Money” radio show (which he was still doing at the time) on weekdays, and conference call after conference call on weekends. Boring? No kidding! But I didn’t hurt as much when I had voices to focus on.

The good times making money on Southern Copper lasted for all of two weeks. The markets, especially metals like copper, went down hard in Summer ’06. My plan of buying, holding, making money, and living off of my “investments” suddenly sucked big time. The portfolio was worth less everyday. I couldn’t understand why. The “work” I did for months seemed worthless. (I realize now it’s just part of the job.) I was frustrated I couldn’t talk to the people on CNBC, or anyone, about this. I was angry I couldn’t be up while the markets were open, often thinking “if only…” Even when I was awake, I’d forget what I was doing. As I said, my mind wasn’t always there. This stress wasn’t healthy and I got even sicker. I couldn’t take it anymore. I sold Southern Copper and others I’d lost the most on…at the bottom. By the end of the year, Southern Copper had nearly doubled from where I sold it.

Everyone’s been there. Bought at the top, sold at the bottom, lost money, only to watch it go back up and laugh in your face. I felt worse because it was “my dad’s money.” Like everyone else, I wanted to give up, but I had something going for me. Something more painful than losing money: my reality. I needed the markets to focus on.

My mom said to consider the loss as tuition paid. I had learned a lot. I learned not to get emotionally married to any stock. I learned to sell, to think for myself, and to get back in.

It was impossible to watch the markets all day, even though I was always home. I worked around my unpredictable hours, taking a longer term “investing” view. I bought stocks I wouldn’t be afraid and confused about if they went down while I slept. Going along with my nocturnal hours, I caught up on news in the peace and quiet of the night, away from the market frenzy during the day. I even thought of myself as a “Night Trader,” the slow, languid counterpart of hyperactive “Day Traders.” I still bought and sold when I felt necessary, doing this early in the morning if I could. When there were economic or company announcements, I tried to get up for them. Then I’d pass out again.

Finally by the fall, my health stopped getting worse thanks to help from QiGong (Chinese internal energy exercises). Things weren’t rosy, but they weren’t in freefall anymore. That’s enough sometimes. My health improved a bit, then deteriorated some, but the worst was behind me. My portfolio made up some lost ground too, ending down slightly for 2006. Not bad for my first year, all things considered.

PART 2 COMING TOMORROW
Videos Tracking My Health Developments

Biopsy: Ok, as expected.
dermatitis w/eosinophil
thickening of skin, inflammation
no evidence of underlying tumor of lymphnodes

IgE: 20,111

Food Allergy Tests using blood samples
BAD if > 0.1 ml

Apple: 34.1
Beef: 3.6
Broc: 15.6
Chicken: 14.4
Cabbage: 21.6
carrot: 20.6
Lettuce: 9.8
Milk: 48.8
Peach: 39.4
Rice: 24.2
shrimp: > 100

Utah Medical Trip Update – 9.8.08

PICTURES FROM FIRST VISIT IN JUNE ’08 (vs. this video of 3rd visit)