Health Update – 02.04.14: 2 Sides of a CURE. What A Difference Mindsets Make!

Videoblog. Sudden infusion of hope, excitement, and energy. Just a change in thinking, but from deep down. Like Inception.


Update: In a little over 24 hrs, I went from a “Blah” depressed, meaningless existence to feeling excited, hopeful, energetic. For the last month or so since going to Utah, I’ve felt very lost and exhausted. During the past month, as I thought more and more about potential risks to using Rituximab and the 31 yrs of 24/7/365 war I’ve been waging, I just got so exhausted. I wasn’t suicidal, I never am. But I did feel that if my time on earth was up, I’d be very very relieved.

But as I visited with Dr. Sarpa yesterday I found out she can definitely get Rituximab for me.  What’s more, that she’s used it on several patients and they’ve all been CURED! No, they don’t have the same disease as I do, so that still leaves a lot of uncertainty. But the patients who she used Rituximab on did not have to change their lifestyle while on the treatment and haven’t had any side effects! I didn’t sleep much last night. Just kept thinking that a CURE might actually be real. Everything in the world suddenly became a opportunity, a part of my future! Before, everything in the world was my enemy. Something i fought moment to moment and had to be watchful and high strung about and defending all the time. So exhausting.

Now nothing physically changed before and after yesterday’s visit, but I feel half cured already just thinking about the possibility. Just goes to show you unfathomable power of one’s mindset. That’s the only thing that changed. How I viewed life, but from deep deep down. Like Inception. I just wish I could summon such positive powers at will. Who knows? Maybe I could’ve cured myself just thinking about it long ago!

It’s all about belief and conviction in that belief.  Throughout my life, I never thought I would die, even though every day I probably should have given all that I was up against.  But I suppose I was never truly convinced I would be 100% cured either.  I was grateful enough to survive, which everyone should be.  Yet that may be complacency in a way, a complacency quicksand that was pulling me under. I think that’s what’s been exhausting.

So all that happened yesterday was the doctor gave me new information that gave me conviction in the belief that I would be cured.  So it got me thinking that true power would be to summon that belief and conviction from within, not needing any outside source like a doctor telling me something to get me to that mindset.

About this entry